this little girl

Naked. In the context of anatomy for the male species, I may still be useful.  Nonetheless reduced to a mere mechanical object. It’s an indiscernible truth. Pretentious. And that has always been my fault. I think.

People will think that I can have a life worth living. That’s conceivable but other than what’s perceptible. I am nothing. Broken down. A little girl who’s peddling what’s littlest is left of her broken heart for an affection, for an attention to see through the invisibility. Settling for any attention. For anyone who barters.

Sooner or later they’ll leave. But it’ll be without anything. Amour-propre. And I end up lonely, destitute. It permeates to worthlessness. Between the was and is, I’ve lost myself. I don’t know myself anymore.

But maybe that’s they’re fault as much as mind. Them being themselves around me. How they treated me, held me, laughed with me. Convinced me that, wordlessly, this was the only way for me: held breaths, the space between heartbeats. Waiting.

dark versus light

Dark. Light. Distinct by themselves. Basic. You welcomed one, feared the other. One is a representation of bad, and goodness represented by the other. Each having a concept that assigns our reaction towards them. Differently in essence but in symbiosis: one cannot be with the other.Specific. Definitive. Then.

Here it is now: dark and light on my hand. Bad. Good. Once. Unexpectedly they were indistinguishable. Things were becoming unclear. Confused.

The dark was still an enigma. Mysterious. Distant. Hidden. Something to be scared of. Then I grew up. Increased in years. Became larger. Wisdom may have took some time but my comprehension of things became wider. Became aware of. It’s not really simple anymore, not even definitive. This dark and light charade. And in between, I became fearful of the light.

Sad really. This retreat from the light. This fear. The light brings out a revelation. And in here requires a stronger survival. It is here where everything is revealed, or seemed to be.

Eyes closed, there’s only blackness. A reminder of my deepest thoughts. Of my secrets. Eyes open, there was only the world that didn’t know it. Bright. Inescapable. Somehow still there. Cruel. Unforgiving.